Black Books

 30 XII. 2I.

[I] . What’s going on, what sort of dreams are these that rob me of sleep, what is the fear that grips me overwhelmingly?

Perhaps I should not speak to you, my soul, but I find no other way. Speak to me and explain. Do you see something that I don’t see?

S. I see much that you don’t see- trees that grow out above abysses, circling eagles that hover over immeasurable depths.

A spirit that came from the East, spreading a whiff of death, he wanted to shroud you in darkness,

I resisted him and chased him north to the fire pole, for transformation.

[I]. Who is the spirit of the East?

S. He is a devil of a particular nature, a gloomy devil, a resigned devil, one who is saturated by all the over-ripeness of the East.

How should I describe him? Do you know what I mean? No?

He is full of the over-ripeness of the East, too old, too fat, too sad, quiet, like oil on water.

[I]. I don’t understand what you mean. I can discover nothing like that in myself.

Speak more clearly, seize it, my soul. I must have help, since the fear is stifling. Come to grips with it. I must have clarity.

S. This isn’t easy. You haven’t asked me for quite a while. Do you want to fulfill my conditions?

[I]. What conditions? You have conditions?

S. Naturally, I have conditions. Do you think that I make do with nothing?

I must have some of your blood, otherwise I will secretly drain you. You understand?

[I]. Do I understand? This time I understand you completely, since I feel the exhaustion. So take my blood, but speak and make things clear.

S. Yes, your blood tastes good. How much can I have? I’d like a lot. But listen: the cuckoo always lays his egg in foreign nests.

[I] . What does that mean? What dark word of foreboding are you uttering?

S. Foreboding, indeed. I have hunches. The cuckoo must do this, otherwise he can’t propagate.

[I]. Don’t make silly jokes. I want an answer.

S. You are the cuckoo. The foreign nest is what another has made for himself, and what you should acquire.

[I]. Isn’t it stolen?

S. Stolen or not, the only question is life’s necessity. Will you become clever from it? ~ No?

Then pay attention: there are people in your circles who have something to offer. Have you noticed them? No? Then open your eyes.

They do not want to suckle, but to give to you.

[I]. What are you pointing to?

I. I. 22.

S. I’m pointing to women.

[I]. What do you mean?

S. I mean that in this respect your notions are false.

[I]. How so?

S. You think that they want to take something from you. But they want to give to you.

[I]. I’ve had my experiences, as you know.

S. That counts for nothing. One can also have others. Besides, we are speaking of something deeper.

[I]. Why do you digress?

S. Because I think that this point has been settled. Or don’t you think so?

[I]. In that regard I don’t feel anything special. So speak of the depths, your visions.

I must have more clarity about what’s going on. Everything is so dark. What does the darkness of the beyond hide? Tell me!

S. Three deer fled from the forest and the most beautiful hunter could not catch them. He hunted with hounds and horses and bright spears and yet they escaped him.

They jumped into the river and swam through it and the dogs lost their trail. The deer Goddess had rescued them-yes, Artemis.

Isn’t she beautiful and chaste? Do you know her? And do you know him? Why do you want to hunt on Sundays?

Why do you want to catch and kill the beautiful animals? That’s why her bear attacked you.

That’s why you had to sacrifice to the beautiful moon Goddess, you fool.

[I]. I see now and humble myself

S. Yes, there are benevolent Gods and what loves lives in darkness. You felt this. Whoever doesn’t feel this is contemptible.

[I]. But what has previously hindered my sleep? What did you see?

S. Three serpents that lie on a rock, coiled in a knot. A sword has hacked them.

A strong one-armed man wields the sword. His eyes flicker in chaotic passion.

It ~ was probably a follower and pupil of Dionysus, who had lost one arm. Where did he lose it?

He chopped it off because it seemed foul and inadequate, yes, he himself hacked off his right arm in a frenzy.

He no longer wanted to act, but simply to be driven. One also needs to be able to be driven. Why couldn’t he let the serpents sleep?

Who told him to set his dog on the devil’s dangerous hound that wanted to leave him?

His wild and untamed drive, which he called a sense of duty, had whispered the wrong thing to him.

He wanted to be alone, to rule alone, intoxicated in solitude far from Gods and men, a castrato of his God.

Why do you despise the loving darkness of the feminine, the cooling night? The whisper among the trees, my dark, healing speech?

Why did you not speak to me?

[I] . Let me feel that you can help me.

Give me the holy sleep, the grace-filled embrace so that mother night accepts me into her womb. I will revere the feminine.

But grant me sleep, so that I can see you can really help me.

S. Only if you fulfill my conditions.

[I]. Name them.

S. You should always inquire after them from me. You should come to me and ask. That is the first condition.

The second is that you should refrain from all useless chatter, and observe moderation in all respects. And discard your contempt for women.

A great healing force is given to woman. Use it.

[I]. I promise to. But something more! ttat: Didn’t you see something more that shouldn’t escape me?

I wouldn’t want to leave you before you have given me peace, the quiet certainty that I have not overlooked something that can attack me with an unforeseen power.

S. I saw nothing that you need to fret about, nothing that you now must know.

[I] . Is that the truth?

S. For today, yes. ~The Black Books, Vol. VII, Page 206-208