- IV. 18.
S. What good fortune that you freed yourself from Ka’s prison!
I. What do you mean? Explain it to me!
S. Ka builds temples and tombs for all living Gods. If you are in your self, you are in God. And as God, you are in danger of being walled in and buried alive.
I. Why? I don’t understand.
S. A God reveals himself in divine and eternal effect and ossifies in it. It is is his grave. And so it must be-the unavoidable fate of each God.
I. But I should be in myself, and be with myself and so with God and in Gods.
Why should you always be with God and in God? Do you want to be God yourself? And be buried? God is eternally force and spirit.
But you have a body. Your body suffers if you always want to be with and in God-
I. Your confusions are endless-though-what else do I want? Patience, hence I should also be outside of myself, outside of God? Where then?~ in creation?
S. Certainly, outside with men, outside of yourself, with Philemon and K. They are the hands that help the God to birth and to the grave.
I. What do you mean, outside with men?
S. In service to their God. Phanes-the only one in you and everywhere and a million times in you and everywhere.
I. “In service to their God”?
S. What are you wondering?
One goes on the road to the inner and to arrive at the outer. The other goes toward the outer to reach the inner. Both roads are good and meet each other, and both need to be walked.
How should you live differently than one moment in God and the next moment outside of God?
If you are and remain inside God, you will be buried in his eternal effect.
If you are and remain outside God, you never come to yourself and you remain a shell of yourself, a mirage in your own desert.
So at any given time you should be with and in yourself and so with and in God.
But if you remain in yourself, the deadly shadow of God overwhelms you and wants to bury you alive.
Since God shines out of you and nourishes Philemon and Ka and goes to men and is the nourishment of their God, in so doing he divests himself of himself.
So you should do just as God does. You will not live any other way.
I. But how can I live “outside of myself”?
S. Not “outside of yourself,” but outside with men with yourself.
You are then not only with you, if you are in you, but you can also be outside at yourself and with you, not just within. likewise you are in God, when you are in you, and God is in you, if you are outside with yourself.
I. What then is the I? Is it not the same as the self?
S. If you are in you yourself, then you cannot differentiate the I from the self. But if you are outside with yourself, then the self is different from the I.
Since the self is a great mystery, that I veil just as well as you. -If It xx is that smallest seed that fills all the heavens, a grain of dead matter and God in all eternity.
Amen. I say “Amen,” since after such an implausible statement one must say “Amen” for confirmation. But all mysteries are implausible.
I hate all mysteries, therefore I divulge them to you as much as possible. It would be better if there weren’t so many mysteries, but they are
not to be denied- and finally-without mysteries, there would be no escape from the contradictions.
So,-if you are outside with yourself, then you feel your I differentiated from the self You feel your self either as a grain of dead matter full of revulsion, dread, and fear of death, or, if you accepted this inner death and held your last supper with this corpse and received the germ of God from this death, then you feel the self as the God in you.
But look, there comes Philemon. What does he want?
Philemon: listen, it seems to me as if that light that you call your God was also my light. Previously it seemed to me as if that light emanated from me.
But now I see that it is my nourishment. It appears in Philemon, it has effects in K. Appearance is visible, what has an effect is dark.
The effective one is dark. The one who appears is light. What is effective does not appear and what appears does not have effect.
That is my limitation. Therefore my brother would need darkness, poverty, and miserable death in order to be effectual.
K: It is good that you see my greatness and your limitation! You begin to find the right measure, you scorner of everything effective and living. I curse my darkness, my eternal abasement and yet I am what has an effect and you are just what appears, you deceitful appearance, charlatan, swindler, who steals the love of man from me.
But today is a good day, the day where my curse reaches you-proclaim your limitation, shout out that you steal, that you rob the innocent you cheat and deceive.
I am what has an effect and curse you, that the truly effective is always concealed!
That’s why my brother had to be born the son of a king and all appearance and shimmer had to surround him till the grave, so that he became seen.
Who among all the wise ones would have noticed him, if appearance had not emphasized him?
Cursed be appearance, which deceives the world for all reality. Truly a good day, Philemon, your wing will be clipped.
Philemon: You speak the truth, oh Ka, your truth-and one who doesn’t believe in his own truth is amiss-if there is anything like my or your or his truth at all.
I bless your effect, since you create the golden appearance for me-
K. And why should I be damned to a dark, solitary, joyless existence because I am the creator of your gold, your deceitful, hypocritical golden haze, with which you blind all the world?
Philemon: Why does the shadow rebel against the light? Has the light done it wrong?
Have I not given Ka his due? What is the mystery of your suffering, oh Ka? Why is -the all the effective dark and cast out from the light of day?
K: You hypocrite, you are the light of day, the golden glow of the upper world, you eternal yesterday and tomorrow. But the present day broke one of your wings.
You are not what is effective. I am what is effective. I have effect, I do not appear.
You are undermined, my children, the titans, heard my words, they shake the foundations.
The time of the effective is there. Curse you-you may curse me-you have despised the effective and praised the wrong appearance for too long.
Philemon: listen, Ka, am I not your true appearance? Are you not my true shadow? Is only the shadow true and appearance always wrong?
K. All the world speaks of Philemon, but who speaks of Ka? And yet Ka is the all creator of beings and forms.
- VI. 18.
My soul, did you come toward me this night with a threatening air? What did you want?
S. You have not let me speak to you very long. I must speak to you about Ka, as you noticed. Do you understand him, the beneficial limiter?
He, who gives you love for the holy ground, for the spot of earth which is beautiful to you and where it pleases you to live?
He adorns this spot with care and love, he cultivates the land so that it greens and brings fruit.
He limits you to this spot of earth, to these people who are dear to you.
He gives you the sensation of being in this particular form. He excludes all other possibilities.
Therefore he appears dangerous and murderous. He is rooted in the earth and binds men to their earth.
I. So I saw. Yet tell me, what snags my breath, what impedes me?
S. Philemon is frightened. He senses the danger of the earth. He fears the beautiful serpent poison of the earth.
His foot was once lamed by ** a poisonous bite, but wings grew. He knows the power of poison, so he develops the power to fly.
He sees the serpent among the roses and therefore wants to be a butterfly.
However, do not let yourself be too enchanted by him, since you are a man, a brother of the earth-dwelling animals.
How beautiful and familiar is the fortune of the earth!
The people you know and love, who know and love you, the trees that lovingly shade this spot of earth, the dewy flowers which greet the sun, the birds that fill the fluttering air of the dawn, shimmering leaves and flowers, the glittering surface of the water, the wind that clouds over the mountains, that is the fortune of the earth.
This is also Philemon, the one who loves.
The daimons reconcile themselves in man, who found himself, who is the source of the four streams and the spring-bearing earth. Water flows from his peak toward the four winds.
He is the sea that gave birth to the sun, he is the mountain that carries the sun, he is the father of the four great streams, he is the cross that binds the four great daimons.
He is the incorruptible seed of the nothing that accidentally fell through space.
This seed is the beginning, younger than all beginnings, older than every end. I praise the greatness and smallness of man. His suffering fills the earth, his fate is in the smallest and most secret things.
What leads you to joy? The sacrifice of what does not belong to you. But joy is your own self. ~The Black Books, Vol. VII, Page 182-185