Black Books

Jung. I reflect and try to figure out where I have made myself guilty of such intellectualism-I wouldn’t know where.

Soul. “In your daily work. You always look for reasons why you give love and why you receive love. That must be avoided.”

That sounds strange. Shouldn’t one render an account of it?

[“]Under no circumstances. You interrupt the process that is vital for you and others. Love is the most sensitive organ of perception. Only love lets you read your own soul and the souls of others. Nothing else will do. It is-will be, it is, and it passes, hiding an infinite meaning in itself.”

Do you want to ban all my thoughts about it? Why then our reason?

“Reason comes afterward.”

Of course entirely to our detriment. One can hardly accept this proposition.

“It would be worth a try.”

It seems to me that I’ve already made enough experiments with positive and negative outcomes. I fail to understand what you are aiming at.

“Me neither. But that needed to be said.”

I won’t let you go. I need to know everything.

“In order to abuse everything.”

How do you get to that suspicion?

“Well, in· order to protect you.”

One can’t go against rational findings, especially if one knows nothing better.

”That’s a good reason, but not the point of what I mean.”

What else do you mean? There you go again, being difficult.

“You see? You know that style, don’t you? Do you think others enjoy it when you speak that way.”

You’re right. This is a point I must remember. But in this case I don’t understand anything.

“listen: Once upon a time there was a gardener who sowed flower seeds. But the birds came and ate the seeds. So the gardener built snares and glue traps. When he came back the other day- what did he catch? A bullfinch.”

Do you mean me?

“Who else?”

I can only try to be patient with you. When you compare me to a bullfinch ], I must assume that you have a reason. But the meaning is entirely obscure to me. Don’t you want to explain it to me?

“Thank you, you are learning courtesy. Obviously you react in a better way to a somewhat stronger language.”

The bullfinch has been taken in, not because it has eaten from the seeds, but because it belongs to its essence to be taken in.”

Do you mean that I, or rather my love has been taken in or has to be taken in?

“Both are the case.~ love is always taken in.”

But that contradicts experience. I cannot accept this.

“You don’t need to accept it unconditionally. Truths don’t need to be accepted absolutely.”

You’re telling me things that I got clear on a long time ago. I know that my love gets taken in, and at times I accompany it, well aware that I could also fall into the trap. I cannot and do not want to muzzle life. By the way what is it with you[?] You’re beating around the bush. What do you want?

“I am your mirror. What goes around, comes around.”

In that case I am desperately alone, even with you, my soul. I thought of togetherness with you, but it seems that I am alone with you.

“That is you. Do you see the value of love? The glue of the trap seems more desirable to the bullfinch than being alone with himself. learn the silly wisdom of that bird.”

You drive me to desperation. Don’t I give enough love?

“No, you take too little.”

How can I?

“Let yourself be loved, don’t think of giving it back.”

That seems immoral to me.

“Don’t forget that you do people a favor if you let them love you.”

But they want to be paid  in kind.

“That is valid only for your love. Others still must learn how to love at all. Apprentices are not paid in full.”

That is a cruel teaching.

“It demands the sacrifice only of your male prejudices. You need to intensify the longing in others. That way they become modest.”

Isn’t that what I am doing sufficiently?

“Not at all. You serve a lot. You ought to demand.”

But how should I behave in practical terms?

“Be demanding and make yourself scarce.”

That means-the greatest possible restraint possible on my part?

“The utmost. But allow the approach.”

That suits me badly. But I shall obey. ~The Black Books, Vol. IV, Page 274-276