The assignment that Toni has received from the Great Mother.
- l. 1922
[I] . I must speak to you and ask you whether you have something to tell me. I did as well as possible according to your guidelines.
It was hard enough for me and had bad consequences which need to be taken into account.
A sleepless night is no small thing.
S. But without such nothing true can be made.
[I] . I feel a pressure in my head when you say that. Why must such bad effects occur?
S. You should explain that yourself. I make no efforts here. It is nothing to do with knowledge, it’s a happening.
My task is something different. Things must become actual. I must see to that.
[I] . Have you anything to say to me in this regard?
S. No. Everything is going just as it should.
[I]. Are you lying?
S. Not as far as possible. I don’t believe I’m lying at this time.
By the way, you must realize that I’ve changed significantly compared to earlier. I no longer have reason to lie.
[I]. So can I put my quill down?
[SJ. Yes.
- I. 1922.
[I]. Do you want to speak to me? Much is still unsettled and dark. Why do you excite my heart?
S. I don’t do this, it comes from your work. Your feeling gets short-changed.
[I] . Can I change that?
S. Yes, you can, if you want to. You should have more of a say in your own matters. You should be able to prepare your book.
[I] . But how can I make the necessary time for myself?
S. Only through recklessness.
[I]. How on earth?
S. Through discharging patients or setting restraints, as much as you can.
[I]. That’s very hard for me.
S. You should be able to do precisely that. learn to save, that’s good for you. You must be reckless, do you understand this?
Otherwise you get nowhere.
It is important that the book is tackled, because it is one of the necessary things, something that must take place.
[I]. Have you anything else to say to me? I’ll see what I can do with my time.
S. No, I have nothing else to say to you today. At most: you should begin the bibliography of the literature this evening for the new book.
Also you should, beginning next week, you should begin to collect dreams and give patients corresponding directions for preparation.
After the bibliography of the literature you should try tomorrow to record all the dreams which you still recall as more or less important, and also 4 further thoughts that concern the theme.
You should use the hours of II-12 for this.
- I. 1922.
[I]. I have done what I could. But you know that my courage is broken. That is the difficulty that Toni causes me.
S. That is understandable. But why do you let yourself be affected by it? You cannot solve her problem. Only she can.
Moreover, there is always tomorrow.
[I]. That is a cheap and unfeeling consolation!
S. Now, you are not primarily dealing with her as a person but as a soul daimon, who never frets about torture.
Why does she collaborate with it? One can also handle it differently.
[I]. Are you not secretly involved in it?
S. Why[?] You would be more affected internally, if I were in it. You know this from before.
[I]. Have you something to convey to me?
S. Yes, I’m thinking about the assignment that Toni has received from the Great Mother. It’s underway now.
Soon it will become clear.
[I] . But what is it going to be?
S. Not too bad. It must all be fulfilled.
[I]. But do you know what it is?
S. No. The Great Mother has told me no more than her message, which you already know. But there is nothing bad in it.
Why are you so fearful? You don’t yet know women and their particular gadflies.
You should not let yourself be impressed, but go your way and fulfill what is presented to you.
You can’t eternally bog down in craziness brought on by daimons. Do what is yours. They should learn to do the same. So do it as well.
You worry yourself much too much and consequently you delay.
This compassion doesn’t help. You have your work to do and your health to look after. You eat too much. Be moderate with meat.
No more 2 portions, I bowl of soup. Can you stop smoking in the morning? Or cut back? I pipe is enough. Go to bed in good time.
You are now in the feminine and have to obey. ~The Black Books, Vol. VII, Page 217-218
