Black Books

He [Jung] then painted a mandala based upon this map.

He attached great significance to this dream, later commenting:

This dream is my inner situation.

I still now see this yellow-gray raincoat, shining with the moisture of the rain, and everything was terribly unpleasant.

That is how I felt about myself.

But I had the inner vision of this heavenly beauty, and thanks to that, one can live.

And then I saw: that is conclusive, that is the goal. One cannot go above the middle.

The middle is the goal and everything was directed toward this.

From this I recognized that the self is an archetype of orientation and of meaning.

The one Swiss is the I.

He lives in one of the filthy streets in one of the carrefours.

He is a small replica of the center.

I know that the I is not the center, it is not the self, but from there I have a sight of the divine wonder.

I certainly did not live there, but I lived “excentrically.”

The small light appeared to me as the likeness of the great light: so there was also something in the excentric aspect which recalled the original vision for me.

After this dream I gave up painting or drawing mandalas.

I then understood that there was no straight-line of development, but that development first led up from below, onto the mountain.

That is one straight line development.

But if one is initially above, one sees the great expanse with the lake, the island and the tree of light within it . .. .

This dream described the apex of the whole unconscious process of development.

It completely satisfied me, since it fully expressed my situation.

I was utterly lonely then.

I knew that I was occupied with something quite great, but which no one understood.

This clarification through the dream made it possible for me to consider objectively what filled me.

For me, the small sidelight was the I , it was like a recollection of the magnificent tree in the middle.

The others did not see the tree, only I saw it.

It was as if the sun shone there, but it was also as if the flowers were self-illuminated.

It was as if this tree stood in sunlight.

It was bright day there, and unbelievably beautiful.

Where we stood was dark, cold and showery night.

My life would have actually lost its meaning without such a vision.

But the meaning was expressed here.  ~The Black Books, Vol. I, Page 98-99