Actually-and I confess this to you with a struggle-I have a boundless admiration for you both as a man and a researcher, and I bear you no conscious grudge.

So the self-preservation complex does not come from there; it is rather that my veneration for you has some- thing of the character of a “religious” crush.

Though it does not really bother me, I still feel it is disgusting and ridiculous because of its undeniable erotic undertone.

This abominable feeling comes from the fact that as a boy I was the victim of a sexual assault by a man I once worshipped. Carl Jung, Freud/Jung Letters Vol. 1, Page 95.